I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
