Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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