It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
