maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
