I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
