Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
