I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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