go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
