Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
