He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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