I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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