I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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