i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
