Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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