My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
