how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
