I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
