i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
