You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
