please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
