I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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