Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
