The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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