Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
