I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
