It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize