Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
