I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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