God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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