I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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