I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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