Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
