I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
