At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
