if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
