My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize