He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
