So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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