Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
