i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
