rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
