you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
