I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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