I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's like iHOP with fire
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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