I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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