is wine microwaveable?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
