Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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