Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
