Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
