well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
