It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
