i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Randomize
