To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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