i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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