Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
