i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
