he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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