I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize