I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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