Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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