One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
