i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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