My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
