She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
