She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
