Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
