so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
