"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
