I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize