I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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